Thursday, March 09, 2006

"No Real Atheists"

I was hammering down on the Channel Up button tonight and stumbled upon the Bible Thumper channel. On it, an animated mummy was flapping his pompous lip about how if you weren't dedicating your entire life to "God", you have idleness in your life, and through some perverse logic, you're a sinner and will thus go to Hell. Isn't that the way it always ends with religion? Completely dedicate yourself, or roast like the heathen you really are.

The problem comes in the form of this fellow's accusations of everyone being a sinner because they invested in some form of naughty behavior, be it lust, greed, blah blah blah. But it got me to thinking...the Christian church has committed each of the "7 Deadly Sins" already, so what's the deal?

  1. Pride - If God weren't prideful, you would never see His name written with a capital letter. You should also look at Commandment #3..."Don't use my name as a curse word." Oh? Why not? If people used my name as a swear word, I'd be stoked. But since God has such a pristine name to uphold, He couldn't bear someone using His name in vain. That's pride, ladies and gentlemen....pride in His own name.
  2. Envy - Christianity is oh-so-notable for crushing rival religions in favor of converting its worshippers. Call it greed, but it's also called envy...envy that another religion has people believing in it. "Hey, they're praying to a 9-armed Elephant....I want them to pray to me too!!"
  3. Wrath - Crusades. Sodom. Need I say more? I do? Ok, God had a set of angels DEDICATED to carrying out his wrath....Archangels anyone? Anyone?
  4. Sloth - Essentially, Christianity is stuck in the year 1 A.D. and they have no plans of updating anytime soon. Sloth comes in many forms, and Christianity is showing it's true colors when it comes to pulling its collective head from the ass and seeing that we have computers, space ships, and Mt. Dew.
  5. Greed - God knocked this one off by writing Commandment #2. "You shall not have any gods before me". Hi, I'm God. I'm the only God. You should just worship me...not any other gods.
  6. Gluttony - Why collect money every Sunday if not gluttonous? In effect, gluttony and the upcoming Lust are hand-in-hand with the church.
  7. Lust - My favorite. The lust for new recruits. Every brand, flavor, and color of religion is lustful for more and more people to come listen to the same shit that's been brewing in the pot since 2k years ago (little do they know there's been no new soup added, so everything you swallow is backwash from the previous generation). The church is gluttonous and greedy for money, and uses it to feed the lust for new paritioners by payrolling missions.
Sometimes it's too easy.

Oh, and to that borderline corpse of a Friar that authored the book "No Real Atheists", to you I say this: you're ignorant. Want to see what it feels like to have the tables turned? Watch this: No Real Christians. I bet if you still had eyes young enough to read, you'd be red in the face. Boo hoo, someone made fun of my beliefs. Boo hoo. I'll strike a furious wrath of locusts and frogs upon you! A pox upon your household!

Get over it, Grandpa, your religion is dead. We're in the Age of Technology...no one has time for superstitions and hand-waving. We know how the universe was made and we know how humans came to be. No apples or arks. Just genetics and evolution.

Represent.

6 Comments:

Blogger Smacky said...

Smacky got a good laugh reading your post, until he realized that you were probably serious. The Internet is a lovely place, and it allows us, through blogs like this one, to witness levels of idiocy rarely seen outside of an 18th insane asylum.

7:38 PM, March 09, 2006  
Blogger Chester said...

Aristotle was labeled insane too (damned Flat Earth anyway).

Idiocy is subjective to what side of the fence you're on.

7:43 PM, March 09, 2006  
Blogger Craig Lowery said...

I'll give credit where credit is due. I'll have to agree with Smacky on this one... although I think he meant to say "18th century insane asylum".
You have succeeded in calling into question my former doubt that there was any such thing as a "garbage soul".

1:25 PM, March 10, 2006  
Blogger Chester said...

Craig,

While I'm sure your heart is in the right place, your method is a little off. A stinging retort in the form of a jab at my "garbage soul" is not unlike insulting my inability to be a lephrechaun. You see, it's just that I don't believe in a human soul, or in leprechauns...or unicorns or faeries either!

2:11 PM, March 10, 2006  
Blogger em0 said...

I do agree on alot you wrote, but still. Religion is still necessary, even for the youngsters. Religion gives us the answers that we want to hear: there is life after death, there is a meaning, there is hope. Alltough I don't belong to a religion myself I still understand why people would go into that area.

Don't call people ignorant before you can prove yourself openminded.

9:56 AM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger Chester said...

I disagree. How would your life be impacted if you had never heard a Mother Goose story? No "Old Woman In The Shoe", or "Jack & The Beanstalk". You would have turned out much the same. So how does that not carry over to the stories of religion? Suffice to say, I've never heard the stories of Mohammed, but I'm fairly sure if I did, I wouldn't be a better person for it.

As far as calling people ignorant before "proving" myself open-minded, I find that hard to accomplish given the topic at hand. I can say that you are ignorant if you murder someone. Do I also have to murder someone in order to be counted as a reliable source on the topic?

7:28 AM, March 19, 2006  

Post a Comment

<< Home